Hunger and the Gift of Confession

I'm so back-blogged because I haven't had Internet or time in the last month- but so many things have happened and there is so much to thank and praise God for, as well as things to pray about. So stay tuned, I'll try little by little to fill you all in.

Two stories- The first is about a student who just joined my Tuesday class from a different class. Every month this year, we'll focus for part of the class on a different American cultural theme. Because Easter was in April this year, I thought it'd be a great way to bring the story into the classroom every week. This last Tuesday, this particular student was so curious and had so many questions, we spent over half of the 90 minute class on the topic and she asked if she could take the illustrated Arch Book on Holy Week home with her. I of course told her yes, but somehow in the shuffle after class she left without it. Yesterday she was back at the church for something, and was sure to stop by the office and asked again to borrow it! Not only was I happy to see her to give it to her (I felt a bit disappointed when I saw she'd left without it), but it brought me such joy to see that she had come back and made a point to seek it out herself. She's hungry, not unlike many others God is bringing through the doors.

The second story is about me- or rather, how my self-centered worse half got the best of me; and how God's grace covers and restores the messes I make. I was at the kindergarten in Sanjo, and one of the teachers informed me that there was an observer coming to the last class to meet me. Currently the class has no students, as it was created for students transferring from another school who the next week decided to quit. The class had already gone out on the flier, so nothing could be done. It's not bad to have another class, but the truth was that all I could think about was my 2 hour commute each way, the long day that it was already, and how if this student wanted to join the class that currently had no students, I'd have to stay an hour later every week, and get home an hour later, and be even more exhausted. I let my feelings of frustration show to the teacher, and from that point on, something in our relationship changed. She was frustrated with me- rightly so- because I was only seeing the situation as it effected me. And I was complaining about it too. There was an iciness between us, masked by the Japanese formalities of politeness. So while we were still operating on a surface level of kindness and formality, I could also feel distance and coldness between us.

As the day went on, God began to change my heart and show me that I was focusing too much on myself. I'd committed to teaching the class, regardless of who enrolled. Our interactions continued to be strained. I wanted to talk to her about it, and to apologize for my bad attitude, but I worried my Japanese wouldn't be good enough to communicate this and that she wouldn't understand my apology because coming out and admitting directly that you were in the wrong is a very foreign thing in the culture.

I decided to do it anyway; and I think I witnessed a miracle. I could tell that she was really uncertain of how to respond to my admission at first, but a look of relief came over her face, and she smiled and we began talking about other things and laughing together. The coldness was instantly gone, the strain between us lifted. And there was authenticity. Ive witnessed a lot of unspoken bad feelings between people that are masked in formalities, and this situation caused me to wonder what unresolved conflicts may lay between those people. Holding grudges and being unwilling to forgive does nasty things to a person's heart. And hard as it is, its one of the reasons God tells us to do it. I felt such joy after the conversation- the same joy I feel after sharing the Gospel with someone who has a receiving heart in hearing it. Like faith- confession, forgiveness, and restoration are also miracles and gifts from God!